There is no choice in living moment to moment. We think we can deliberately live like that but we can’t. Or we can, for a few seconds to minutes at a time. Well done! Still better than most of the population. Wow, big deal - you’re better than most!!
When we get to a point of living moment to moment because there is no desire, no other choice, the whole thing loses its grand flavor. Well, grand flavor, if you gave it one - and I have! There is a humbleness that is very unexpected, for sure. It takes me back to “it’s not what you think”. We live in this fantasy of the “now” and the glory of the moment, and we build it up so high that, when we’re here and are faced with its emptiness, it’s a bit of a disorientation, to say the least. Maybe it depends where you’re coming from. If you come to it from despair, it might feel amazing, yes. But if you come to it, from releasing expectations, desire - that letting go state - it feels humbling and non-exciting. Not sure I’m quite there yet either. It’s probably still part of the letting go process and dabbling into being in the present state. At least it’s moving.
7 days later …
Nothing has happened over a week, even though time has passed on the clock. The state inside was at a stand-still, living moment to moment. So much for “at least it’s moving” statement from the week before. The 7th day - at last - a relief! An integration. The moments call to be united within the vastness of what is, otherwise they turn into second-to-second. A dull state of stagnant energy, but, who knows, maybe there’s purpose in that as well. The actual moment-to-moment (at least in my today’s understanding), is a heightened awareness state with the acceptance of the full embodiment / the 3D experience, at the same time. I mean … this was only the realization from a few weeks ago but, it seems, I’m not quick to get it. It’s another play on time - let the time pass while you’re watching it from timelessness. Follow the processes and procedures of the material world while your spirit roams free in spontaneous play. It’s everything - the unification of opposites. Be cool with owning your greatness while living with the guilt of it, next to it. Or, enjoy life to the fullest while you know of the war and famine next door. It’s hard to live with the knowledge that everything is perfect as it is. But somehow this integration of the opposites, on an energetic level, within my body, was a release of the stagnation of the static moment-to-moment.
Seems lately, all roads lead to duality integration, from one experience or another. And there are many spirals that tend to bring me back to this “road marker”. I have a feeling that the next chapter has to do with the integrations of the “I”s - all identities in one soup of awareness and acceptance. We shall see what the next moment brings.
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