Blog 8: The act of forgiving
It’s very clear now that the act of forgiving is all about “me”. It is about my relationship, or better yet, my attachment to whatever entangled me into an energetic blockage. It’s a conditioning, an automation that “I” fell for because of past understandings that created this filter in the mind, which then became “me”. So, the “me” that was hurt in this entanglement is fictitious - it’s made up by a story that’s only real because “I” entered into an agreement of belief that it is so. As I start to see how the past defined the “me” as I think of myself, I can’t help thinking how God sees me? We can’t be anything but innocent at the core because, what we display, is so automated, it’s so much from our subconscious programming that we can’t, for the most part, act from a free will state. We are sufferers of our own perception of what is, not what is.
I remember, when coming out of a walking meditation at a Dr. Joe Dispenza retreat, a jet plane was taking off fairly close to where I was. I could feel the power of the engines as it flew over me and as I was admiring the effect of that “thunder” in my body, this understanding came to me:
This is the weakest type of power there is.
I was baffled and intrigued to find the truth in that, as it didn’t make sense right away. Well, as I’m working with forgiveness, and keep working with it in its spiral circuit, I’m starting to understand. Mechanical power is very 3D - it’s linear, it’s a final expression of creative energy before it gets transformed into other types of energies.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is multi-dimensional. It affects our karma, our timeline, our relationships, our health … ultimately our world. From spirit’s perspective, the power that lies in forgiveness is so much more significant as it penetrates dimensions beyond what we see and perceive in our world. And the more time I spend imagining what forgiveness looks like from spirit’s point, the more I get to understand it as a solvent, a catalyst … an accelerator of stuck energies. It’s becoming quite impersonal the deeper the understanding. Forgiveness is the key to stop clinging to the past; it’s a split in awareness for us to slide through unto the next level of consciousness. When we forgive, we shift from one person to another such that the memory of the past event has no trigger any longer. It’s difficult to recognize our new self in that old story … it’s someone else, dressed as me. This whole thing is so much about me - it's like the other person is trying to help me see where my perception is muddy and needs to be cleaned up.
My forgiveness right now, however, is not even related to a specific event. At least, not recent and in my understanding. It’s a blob. I just know I’m in this energy of forgiveness that needs to move through and heal. It would be easier for the ego if I knew what it was about but I’m placed, once again, into this state in which there’s not much choice but to trust and surrender to what is and deal with it strictly on an energetic level. It’s another push to let go of what I knew “my” world to be and to live in the present - in a curious, unknown state. It’s interesting, this time around, though, how much flow and gentleness I find in forgiveness, despite my body reacting in quite uncomfortable ways. This process can’t be forced - if your heart is bleeding, it’s not a time to work on forgiving. It will come naturally to you once the energy is ripe for transmutation. Recognizing the patterns and deactivating defenses so it moves through the physical smoothly are some key points to make this process somehow enjoyable. Yes, it can be enjoyable because it’s empowering. You are aware of what is happening, and your strength is not being compromised by it - quite the opposite - your strength is engaged in allowing. You can see now more clearly that the “who” that was hurt is not the same as the “who” that is watching. These are different “presence”, different powers. And it is only through these events that we get to see this difference and recognize the true “power” and significance of these energies playing out.
It’s beautiful. I can surrender to this process of forgiving and trust it’s just perfect. My body will soon be lighter and rejoice in more space and light. I trust that the lesson - whatever I need to be aware of and forgive - will soon be revealed, so I can understand it in words. I trust that this clearing will make space for something bigger and awesome. I am at peace with this now and present with it. It’s just so good!